What it’s like

Friends here are a few good things in the world worth living for.

New carpets. They feel so good on your feet, all deep and comfortable and luxurious. I’m really glad that we invented carpet. I know, maybe there are negative aspects to carpets. I know. Yes, I know. But still, they feel so good, don’t they? Maybe we’re all carpet addicts, trading our precious lives away for baseless pleasures such as soft carpets. Maybe. Still, so good.

Coffee. OK, the big guns. I know, you were probably expecting me to leave this one to the end, because coffee is huge. It’s psychoactive! And it’s in supermarkets! In Seattle there is a single city block with five Starbucks locations. Just in case you were like hey I would absolutely _love_ to drink some coffee right but all the nearby Starbucks are at least 30 feet away from me and I don’t want to walk that far.

Motorbikes! Yeah! As many great Zen masters have said, if you haven’t ridden a motorbike yet, ride one now! Look, when you ride a motorbike, it puts you in a position where you have to be absolutely present or you will fall off, and while that’s happening it has this great big rumbling motor that shakes all the tension out of your bones, and you get off the thing after an hour and you’re like wow now I can go do all those things that I’ve been meaning to do for so long.

Making love with someone you really love. Oh yes, so amazing. Finally something that gets the whole body into action, and cuts through that awful tense standoffish talk talk talk. So wonderful to express something with the body rather than just with words all the time. Finally! Alright! We can be a little more honest with each other now. Yeah, say it like it is. Not with words. That’s what all this other stuff has been dancing around anyway — love! That’s it!

Letting go of long-held tension in the body. Yeah, wow, how long have I been holding my body in that strange position? My whole life? Longer? How remarkable. Gosh, I never noticed that I could just stand up straight. Why have I been hunched for long? Well, it doesn’t matter, I’m free of it now and I aint never going back! That was terrible! Who would go back to that cramped way of moving? That camped way of living? That would be crazy! And now the whole world is a little different just because I’m holding my chest up a little higher, and tucking my lower back in a bit! Gosh, is this a totally different way of living? Who would have thought? Incredible.

Remembering purpose. Oh gosh, how did I forget for so long? There is work to be done here. Simple work. Good work. Work that can really be done. Oh gosh, I’m so glad that I remembered. I’m so grateful to whatever it was that reminded me. I could have forgotten, but I didn’t. I remembered. I’m remembering now. I see how simple it is. Just a few years to live, just this one short life, and such an _obvious_ way to make something good of it. So simple.

Discovering that which can be trusted. What was it that led me back to this purpose? I’ve been here before. Yeah I’ve lived here and there and done this and that and through all of it I’ve ended up coming back exactly to this one straightforward purpose. It has not changed even one tiny bit. How do I keep coming back? Oh, nevermind, I trust it now.

Saying no to worrying. Oh, that’s right. You’re home now sweet one. This ground will support you, you see. These bad dreams that have been haunting you like pythons wrapped around your throat. You see, you can unravel them, and send them slithering off into the jungle. They will not bother you again, but you have to stand up to them. Sometimes we say yes, but sometimes we say no, and sometimes we say no no no this isn’t right this isn’t serving, this isn’t good, and we make a firm change and never look back, like prying a parasite out of an ear. This is not something to surrender to. This is something to say no to. Done. Over. Next thing.

Sitting down. Oh god. I’m so glad I’m here. This is so difficult, so painful, but so so so much less painful that _not_ being here. Oh god. I give up. I give up. I’m ready to give up. I’m ready. I’m here. I’m done. I’m sorry for all the harm. I can’t live that way any more. I’m ready to let it go. I don’t understand. I don’t understand. This is so beautiful.